Sixth Month Checkup
by hondagirl
Summary: "Alright ladies, let's see what you got." "Deeks, shut up," mutters Kensi as she adjusts her blouse. "Or next time you'll be the one wearing a prosthetic stomach under your bra." Undercover. Teamfic. Oneshot.


A/N: For peanutbutterer/aka wingsofnight. Because when I told her I spent an hour one day last week writing dialogue about Kensi and Nell going undercover as a pregnant lesbian couple (pure dialogue, no plot at that point mind you), she was all "yes, yes, yes." Also this is my first NCIS: LA fanfic. Hopefully I didn't screw up the characters (too) badly. Rated T for some mild language. Not really set in any season but set S4ish if I had to choose.

-:-

"Alright ladies, let's see what you got."

"Deeks, shut up," mutters Kensi as she adjusts her blouse. "Or next time _you'll _be the one wearing a prosthetic stomach under your bra."

There's a pause and Deeks' reply echoes in her eardrum. "Is it wrong to admit there are so many things about that sentence that I _liked?"_

"Yes!" came the simultaneous response from both Sam and Callen over the coms and Kensi and Nell sent each other matching grins as they enter the lobby. Their shoes click a matching tempo on the laminated flooring and Kensi's hands go instantly to her rounded belly as the two women approach the front desk.

"Excuse me," says Nell politely to receptionist, a tired looking woman wearing Scooby Doo scrubs. "My wife and I have an appointment at 3:15 with Dr. Bowden."

"Name?"

"Lisa Bell."

"Have you been here before?"

"No," replies Nell as Kensi's eyes rove through the lobby. Located in Sherman Oaks it is large and plush, with big windows, potted plants and plenty of seating scattered all around. There are three doors and from Eric's blueprints of the building Kensi knows that the one located behind the receptionist's desk goes into the set of doctor's offices, the one to the right of her marked 'emergency exit' leads outside to a patio and the door in the far left hand corner of the lobby leads to more offices and the bathrooms.

The receptionist hands Nell a clipboard with an attached pen. "Fill out these forms and bring them back to me with a copy of your insurance card."

They murmur their thanks and head over to the seats nearest the entrance, positioning themselves between the only two patients in the room (a pregnant woman and her toddler son) and the lobby door. Nell looks down at the clipboard in her hand and then up at Kensi. "I have no idea what to write," she admits under her breath, her lips quirking downwards.

Kensi laughs and takes the clipboard from Nell, using her large belly as a table. Her gun scratches against her right thigh at the movement.

"I have no idea how pregnant women carry guns," admits Kensi in a low whisper as she starts to fill in Lisa Bell's information. "It's hard to find a comfortable place to stick your gun in without having to reach across a small mountain top to get to it.

She looks up in time to see Nell giving her a strange look.

"What?"

"Uh, I don't think pregnant women usually carry guns."

"Well they should," says Kensi in a huff as she fills in the address of the local doughnut shop on the form where it asks for home address. "Maybe it'll stop all the weirdos from trying to feel their bellies."

"It was one person that felt your belly today. One."

"One too many."

"It was Deeks," Nell says with an eye roll.

"Exactly my point," replies Kensi, missing the eye roll.

Seventy-five feet away, the rest of the team is waiting.

"Man," says Deeks from the Challenger's backseat. "This is like, the best case ever. Remind me to thank Hetty again."

"Pregnant lesbians." Callen scoffs and shakes his head. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"Hey, I am an equality for all kind of guy. Women, men, children, pigs. I don't discriminate."

"Pigs. Really, Deeks?"

"I watch the Animal Planet, Sam. I've seen things I can't unseen." Deeks stretches his legs and bumps the driver's seat in front of him, causing Sam to glare at him in the review mirror. Deeks sends him a cheeky grin in response.

"I can't believe you had them rock, paper, scissors for who got the belly," says Sam as he looks back out the front window.

"Yeah," Deeks scratches at his scruff. "That was one of my better ideas, I will say. Almost up there with the peanut butter alarm clock I created in the second grade."

"I thought Kensi was going to kill you," adds Callen.

"Me too," admits Deeks.

"Or Nell."

"Yeah, don't understand why neither of them wanted to wear a fake belly."

Sam shakes his head slowly and grins. "You really don't understand women, do you Deeks?"

Deeks continues talking. "I still can't believe the only appointment Hetty was able to get for the same time slot as the Marine's wife was for a pregnant woman and _her_ wife. Thank goodness for the real Lisa Bell. " A slow smile spreads across his face. "Do you think she still needs her checkup? Because I can get her address from Eric and stop by her house, make sure everything's okay. For her and the baby, you know."

Sam and Callen look across the front seat at each other with matching expressions on their faces.

"I told you we should have come in separate cars, G."

Deeks kicks Sam's seat again. "Oops."

"Heads up, guys." Eric's voice is loud in their ears and effectively halts all conversation. "Car headed your way. White SVU, no license plate."

The three men quiet as they watch the large SVU pull up to the curb in front of the clinic across the street. Two men in dark shirts and jeans get out, one of the men has a rather large mustache. The driver goes around to the middle door and opens it, the team watches as a red headed woman steps out, her hands cradling her large pregnant belly. She looks around the street nervously but the driver grabs her right elbow with his hand and the two of them start to make their way to the door, the man with the mustache falling into line behind them.

"Bingo," whispers Deeks softly.

"Kensi. Nell." Callen hits his earpiece. "It's go time."

-:-:-:-

In the lobby, Nell and Kensi exchange glances.

"You ready?" whispers Kensi, her pen still scratching at the forms.

"Yep," says Nell without hesitation. They both listen as the lobby doors open and footsteps sound their way. The two look elsewhere as the small group approaches the receptionist and sign in. The woman –Lauren Dooley from her driver's license Eric had pulled up earlier in the day- rubs her stomach nervously. After she signs in, the two men gesture for her to sit. Lauren looks around, sees the mother with her toddler by one window and chooses the chair furthest away from them, ten feet away from Nell and Kensie. The man with the mustache sits to her left, the other man to her right.

Kensi reaches in her purse and pulls out a gold pocket watch with the initials W and H inscribed in scripted font on the face. It catches a ray of sunlight from a nearby window and glitters annoyingly throughout the room. Lauren looks up at the reflection and startles at the watch in Kensi's hand. Kensi ignores her, turns to Nell.

"Oh look," says Kensi loudly as she closes the watch and puts in back in her purse. "It's time to use the restroom. For the umpteenth time today. Excuse me, darling," she says to Nell as she pushes herself to her feet.

"Darling, _really_? What happened to the no-nicknames-while-undercover rule?" asks Deeks in her ear.

"Maybe it's just you," replies Sam helpfully, his voice soft.

"Where are the restrooms?" asks Kensi as she approaches the receptionist. The woman points with her hand to the far left hand side of the lobby and Kensi thanks her. She walks slowly across the lobby towards the set of doors, her hand on her protruded stomach. As soon as she enters the hallway and the door swings shut behind her, she picks up her pace. There are six doors in this hallway and Kensi checks each one. Three are locked office doors, the one in the back is marked as an emergency exit and the two in the middle are the male and female restrooms.

"You here, Deeks?"

"Ready and waiting, partner."

Kensi enters the female restroom. It is large and contains four stalls and two sinks. On the counter in-between the two sinks is a stack of pamphlets with the words "a happy home makes a happy baby" and a picture of smiling infant on front. The room is empty and Kensi comes to a stop in the middle, her right hand touching the gun on her thigh briefly.

"Eric?"

Eric's voice is loud. "No movement. Mrs. Dooley is staring after you -ok, wait. She's leaning over and talking to the guy with the mustache now."

"Mr. Stache," supplies Deeks helpfully.

"Fine. Mr. Stache whose real name, according to facial recognition, is Adam Ryan."

"I prefer Mr. Stache."

"Thirty four, single. Lives in Glendora. Ex-Marine. Honorably discharged two years ago. No priors. Lauren Dooley is talking to him, he's shaking his head no, not sure if this is going to work…wait, she's getting up and…. she's headed your way, Kensi."

"Good."

"Miss Jones," Hetty's voice is firm. "Mr. Hanna and Mr. Callen are at the front, Mr. Deeks is in the back. In the event of our normal exchange of gunfire, please make sure the three civilians are protected."

"Of course," whispers Nell.

"Kensi, Mrs. Dooley and Ryan are headed towards the bathroom now. Just entering the hallway doors."

"Thanks, Eric," Kensi heads into the stall nearest the bathroom door. She closes the door and sits down on top of the toilet, her feet on the ground. Her belly hides her shoes from view. The bathroom door opens and Kensi hears a male voice gruffly say, "Be fast" before the door closes again. Kensi waits another few seconds before stepping out.

"Lauren Dooley?" she says softly to the red haired woman standing in the middle of the bathroom.

Lauren's face is pale, her eyes wide. She steps forward and grasps Kensi's arms tightly, pulling her out of the stall. "Who are you? How do you know my name? Why do you have my grandfather's pocket watch?"

"I'm Special Agent Blye, NCIS. We are helping your husband. He's the one who gave me the pocket watch to use as a signal."

Lauren's face is drawn in worry lines. "Is Chris okay? They told me they had him and if I didn't do everything they wanted, they were going to hurt him."

"He's fine. He alerted us when you didn't come home this morning. He's waiting in a parked car on the next street over. You'll be reunited with him soon. Now Mrs. Dooley," Kensi's voice is firm. "Do you know why the men took you and brought you to your appointment here?"

"Yes," Lauren's eyes dart to the door, fearful. "They want samples of drugs from Dr. Bowden. Chris knows him and he always gives him some new drugs to try when we have those appointments, some of them worth quite a lot of money on the black market. I guess these men found out and wanted them." Lauren's eyes fill with tears. "Are you sure Chris is okay?"

"He's fine," Kensi responds truthfully. "Just worried about you. But look," Kensi glances to the door and back to Lauren. "Right now, I just need to get you of here safely, ok? That is the most important thing. Go stand over there by the sink and don't move until I tell you so. Can you do that?"

Lauren nods and walks over to stand by two stalls furthest away from the door. She cradles her stomach protectively. Kensi walks over to the bathroom door and stands behind it. She reaches down for the gun strapped into her thigh and gets into position. She speaks into the air.

"You all ready?"

Sam, Callen and Deeks answer in the affirmative. Kensi takes a deep breath. "On my count of three. One. Two. _Three!_"

"Hands up!" Kensi swings open the bathroom door as simultaneously shouts fill the outside lobby, surprising Adam Ryan. His hands fly to his gun but he's not quick enough for Kensi or Deeks who enters the hallway through the emergency exit door located at the end. Kensi shoots him in the right shoulder, the bullet whizzing right through him and hitting the wall behind him as Deeks sprints up to them, his gun aimed on Ryan.

"Fuck," Adam Ryan says as he looks down, his left hand coming up to press his oozing shoulder wound. He looks up at Kensi holding the gun and glares. "You shot me you bitch."

"Hey," Deeks holsters his gun and pulls his handcuffs out of his back pocket while Kensi keeps her gun trained on the man. He pulls Adam Ryan up by his arm roughly. "Show a little respect to a pregnant lady and watch your language. Asshole," he adds as he cuffs him. Kensi grins.

Outside in the lobby, Nell is resting on the toes of her feet and talking gently to the pregnant woman sitting on the ground in front of her. "Are you sure you're alright?" she asks softy. The woman grips her son tightly by the shoulders but nods. Next to them on the floor is the receptionist, her mouth slightly open at all the commotion as she looks back and forth between Nell and the scene behind her.

"You okay, Nell?" asks Callen over his shoulder as he puts his gun away. Nell turns around to see Sam approach the victim. There is blood leaking out of the dead driver's chest, quickly forming a small puddle on the floor. Sam's gaze is locked at the dead man on the floor before switching over to Nell's. His eyes are reassuring and he gives her a slight nod.

"We're good," Nell answers as the woman turns her son's face into her chest. At the movement the toddler whimpers. "I think we need to move though."

"Good job, Miss Jones," Hetty says approvingly as Nell gets to her feet and helps the shocked receptionist up. Together they pull the pregnant woman off the floor. Her little boy's eyes are still wide as Nell starts to lead them out of the clinic, Callen and Sam following behind them.

Eric's response is softer but just as approving in her ear. "Well done, partner."

-:-:-:-

"Admit it, you were calling him Mr. Stache in your head, right? It's catchy, huh?"

"Deeks?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up before I shoot you".

Kensi and Deeks are almost back at the clinic office, having just reunited Lauren with her husband. The street is filled with police cars, ambulances and people from the nearby office buildings trying to get a look at the commotion.

"You could," says Deeks as they cross underneath the police tape at the sidewalk. Deeks holds it up high so Kensi doesn't have to bend too much. "But then you'd go to jail for being a murderer and leaving your poor little baby to be raised alone by Nell and probably Eric too. And do you really want your daughter to grow up rooting for the Jets and wearing Spiderman pajama bottoms? She'd either be awesome and bad-ass or terrifying and bad-ass."

"So the baby's a girl, huh?"

"Well of course."

"And she'd be bad-ass?" Kensi grins.

"Well, she's your daughter after all," admits Deeks with a shrug. "Of course she'll be bad-ass. And don't mention this to Nell," Deeks leans in and whispers, "but she kind of terrifies me and the combination of her brains and your Wonder Woman skills in a kid is enough to make me start rethinking my life choices. Mainly my decision _not_ to carry a gun on me twenty-four-seven."

"Awww, you're scared. That's adorable," teases Kensi, her body brushing against his briefly as they walk. A small smile flitters across Deeks' face.

"I'm not scared," he protests.

"Don't worry Deeks, our daughter would never hurt you. Isn't that right, Nell?" asks Kensi as they reached the waiting group of Nell, Sam and Callen on the sidewalk outside the clinic's entrance.

Nell nods her head in agreement. "Unless you give her spinach. Then she will cut your throat."

Deeks is startled. "You're joking right?"

"We never joke about spinach."

"They never joke about spinach," repeats Callen, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"You do realize that spinach is part of a _real_ food group, right?" asks Deeks looking back and forth between Nell and his partner. "Unlike, let's say for examples, Twinkies?"

"You take that back," says Kensi in mock severity. Deeks grins and dodges the forthcoming shoulder punch, going to hide behind Callen. Callen rolls his eyes but doesn't move.

"Never."

Nell turns to Kensi, gesturing with her hand. "You ready to go? You can get changed in the van if you want. I'm certain that extra weight you're carrying around in front is not fun."

"Hey," protests Deeks as Nell and Kensi begin to leave, Kensi tugging eagerly at her prosthetic belly. "She was my fake wife first, Nell. If anyone should be undressing her, it should be me."

Kensi doesn't turn around but stops her clothes fiddling for a moment in order to give Deeks the one finger salute in response as Nell pauses next to her. Nell's laughter echoes back to the three men as the women cross the street and head to the nearby parking structure and Deeks turns to find Sam and Callen shaking their heads at him in mock sympathy.

"You know," says Callen slowly. "I'm really surprised you and Kensi didn't work out. Though I must admit," he adds with a teasing grin, "I really like her new wife."

"Well you know what they say about second marriages," says Sam slowly, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"What do they say, big guy?" questions Callen, tilting his head.

"Always trade up, not down."

"Ha, ha, ha."

"Don't worry, Deeks," Sam steps forward and slaps Deeks on the back. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure Nell will let you borrow Kensi on the weekends for some girl time."

"Mani's, pedi's." Callen grins as the three men start to move. "Maybe even a spa day if you're really lucky."

"I hear they still give you cucumbers for your eyes."

"You two are so funny," says Deeks. "You should start your own comedy club."

"I keep telling G that." Sam's smile is wide. "Isn't that right, G?"

"It's true, he has. If this whole Special Forces thing doesn't work out for us, we are hitting the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa for a night."

"You should come, Deeks. You can be our opening act."

"You aren't afraid I'll ruin the performance?"

"Nah," Sam tosses a grin over his shoulder as they reach the Challenger. "Haven't you heard? The worse the opening act is, the better the performer?"

"Really? That's the best comeback you can come up with -the worst the opening act?" Deeks shakes his head mockingly. "So disappointed in you."

"I agree with Deeks. That was far from your best work, Sam. What would Hetty say?"

"She'd say if you two want a ride back to the Mission you'd shut up before I make you shut up."

"That doesn't sound like Hetty."

"Agreed. I should just go ride with Kensi and Nell," says Deeks as he climbs into the backseat." "It'll probably be a lot less violent then in there."

"I don't know, Deeks," Callen pushes the front seat into place and settles in. "It's Kensi and Nell. Are you sure about that?"

Deeks winces. "Yeah on second thought, no. I'm good here."

Sam rolls his eyes as he straps his seatbelt in and puts the car into drive.


End file.
